In November 2017 Family Rights Group launched an enquiry into the causes of the increasing numbers of children in care and in care proceedings. No doubt there are many such causes. As we noted in September [2017] Fam Law 1048, those causes probably include demographics; case law on misuse of s 20 of the Children Act 1989; the Baby P effect; and Re B-S – and the decline in trust by the public of the state and vice versa.
Those issues of trust are not just issues that exist on an individual level. From our perspective at The Transparency Project it appears that mistrust between families and social workers is endemic. There is an increasing awareness of the extent to which parents vent about social workers via Facebook, Youtube and online petitions. But we think that many of those working within the family justice and child protection systems would be surprised at some of the material that is posted in closed groups on Facebook (and no doubt elsewhere) and what it might tell us about why so many parents are unable to make effective use of services intended to divert their family from care. Postings also provide a different basis for understanding the infuriating and apparently illogical actions of individual parents.
Membership of these groups is carefully guarded because within them frightened, angry and confused parents ask desperately for help from anyone who will offer it. They give names and details of their situation, their fears and lay themselves bare. And some of the advice and guidance they receive is really, really worrying. Some comes from McKenzie friends no doubt hoping to pick up work, but much comes from parents who have had bad experiences themselves and who are genuinely trying to help others avoid their fate – but who in doing so are passing on their own misunderstandings, learnt suspicion and anger to a new generation. On one level these are safe spaces that allow parents to feel they can ask questions that they clearly are not getting answered elsewhere, without social workers or ex-partners spying on them. But they are also places where already vulnerable parents are given guidance that is likely, if accepted, to increase the chances of them losing their children or to reduce the chances of them ever getting them back.
I am a member of a few of these groups. Over time I have become sufficiently trusted to pass the entry test. I do not get on my soapbox, I do not tout, rarely get into arguments and I do not snitch. I cannot help many, but wherever possible I signpost to reliable, impartial information (such as The Transparency Project Guidance Notes), give general legal information (not advice), for example pointing out that someone else (often a McKenzie friend) has got the law wrong, or nudge them back in the direction of their lawyer to ask (again) for an explanation of their position and what they need to do. One of the most alarming aspects of seeing the posts from these groups pop up every few minutes on your Facebook feed is that many of these parents have lawyers but are still utterly baffled and confused, asking questions that display some profound and worrying misunderstanding of what their lawyer has told them – or a difficulty accepting it. But others do not have anyone to turn to but the group. The volume of these pleas for help is a constant reminder of the desperate lived reality of the clients we see a snapshot of in court. As a professional it is emotionally upsetting and exhausting – it would be far easier to switch it off.
Here are some examples from my Facebook feed in the last couple of days:
- A mother reports that she has just been told by her children’s social worker that, ‘I will never have my kids back or ever have unsupervised contact with them. Absolutely raging’. She describes a history as a victim of abuse and exploitation leading to heroin use and appears to be beginning to realise that she needs long term help. Although many comments are sensible, supportive but frank, one commenter tells her that, ‘SS will make up as much shit as they can about you to make you look worse than you are, we all know this, they love to play god with OUR children too, yet they are the ones that are the biggest emotional abusers to our children that walk this planet’.
- Another mother worrying about a s 47 enquiry because her child has been using sexualised language at school is told by one mother that social services cannot do anything without an order, that she should not let social services in, and should refuse to open the door. The same parent then refers the mother to the Forced Adoption site’s notorious ‘10 Golden Rules’ (although fortunately the admins later remove those comments when I politely challenge this and suggest alternative sources of information).
- In another discussion one expectant mother is worried about a legal meeting and is concerned that, ‘they’re not going to give me a chance to prove I’m in a much better place in life now and I want to make things right’. The responses she gets include:
- A mother responds by telling her she is going through a similar experience but has realised that if you don’t register the birth the Government don’t own the child and can do nothing (Posts on the group advising against the registration of births are a recurring theme).
- Another mother says in response: ‘I was pregnant when my son went to live with his grandparents on an SGO and once I had my son 6 months later they took him for an adoption, they use your past against you, they used my mum’s past against me, once your child is born fight the hardest you have ever fought, cuz they are evil people and will do whatever they can to take your child away.’
- The same day a Polish mother posts a picture of a closure letter from a local authority. Although it suggests that the social worker has used google translate, it is written in English. The mother posts it simply asking if it is good or bad news. She doesn’t understand it.
- Another parent reports her children are on an ICO and she wonders if she can move to Scotland with them whilst it’s in place, as her solicitor has apparently told her it’s not illegal. She is given a variety of alarming pieces of advice, most of which would be likely to result in an emergency hearing and possible removal, if followed.
- A mother is due to attend a leave to oppose adoption hearing but the court has changed the venue twice. Each time she has had to cancel and rebook the hotel because the court is 100 miles away from her home, and she is running out of money. She wonders if it’s being done on purpose.
- A mother asks for ‘a bit of advice on how you can “appose” an adoption order?’. From her subsequent explanation, it appears that only the day before she took a ‘neither consenting nor opposing’ position on a placement order but ‘this was only for fear of losing my other children . . . but I didn’t agree either’.
- Today a mother asks for advice – her ex-partner has sex with her repeatedly when she has said no (she doesn’t use the word rape). She is fearful of reporting it in case social services become involved again and her children are taken away for failure to protect or for making it up. From her description she has been subjected to coercive control and emotional abuse. Most responses are supportive and tell her to report and get help. Some are critical of her for not leaving sooner, or query whether it is really rape.
These are not atypical examples. Imagine you are a lonely, confused parent and this stuff was constantly coming up in your Facebook feed. Imagine if it were the best information you have about what you can expect of social workers and the family courts, and of what you should do to protect yourself. It would be difficult to avoid beginning to absorb some of the negative messages that are repeated again and again.
Something is going very wrong somewhere if parents in such desperate positions have to come to strangers to ask these questions. Even those with lawyers seem not to have been given clear advice – or seem not to have absorbed or understood it. It is clear that parents in these situations need emotional support from others who are going through similar experiences, and that a private space to discuss the details of their case without being criticised for breaching privacy rules is important to them; but the feedback they get is often likely to feed and enhance any conspiracy theories or antagonism towards social workers. The support and advice that parents get from these groups may be psychologically far more palatable and easy to accept than the tough words of the lawyers and social workers.
So, next time you encounter a suspicious or apparently paranoid parent, consider what it is that they have been told before they reached your door. Consider that they may be doing their genuine best with the information and support they have, and that they will need support to build trust in you and to unlearn the mistrust and wrong understanding of the law that they have picked up in desperation.
This is a profound problem and it is at a societal rather than an individual level. The Transparency Project is considering how best to gather evidence about the extent of this issue in order to begin to work out how to tackle it. Whatever the detailed answer, it seems likely that better public legal education and information, timely access to legal advice provided in plain English and increased transparency are the places to start rebuilding the public trust that is so evidently lacking.
Lucy Reed
All the parents quoted in this article gave their consent to being quoted anonymously
Family Law publishes a regular column by The Transparency Project. This blog post originally appeared in the January 2018 issue ([2018] Fam Law 85).
Feature pic (facebook in water) under creative commons licence – thanks to howtostartablogonline.net.
Well – this was mine
https://childprotectionautisticchild.weebly.com/respect.html
It takes a review for this point to be made?
Who has been asleep at the wheel?
..and there is another, less publicised review, in progress too that you can read about here:-.
https://childprotectionautisticchild.weebly.com/debased.html
Dear Lucy can you write a letter for my bundle to summerise exactly what you have said above. That parents are so misinformed and not supported while in desperatioffn to seek answers and logic to how they as parents have been kept in the dark and purposefully messed about to build frustration and lack of trust with LA. Also even with solicitor we seem to be going through a system that for the really listen to us or our needs as a family to stay together. […edited…]
Please state that you see desperate parents getting advise from others because we are not barristers we are parents. […edited…]
Lucy please something along the lines of your perspective of what is going on in this system that doesn’t work and isn’t focused on communicating and helping families just winding them up and damaging odd with alienisation and mental scar that won’t heal. […edited…]
Dear LM, I’ve edited your comment and your name for confidentiality / legal reasons. I’m afraid that we can’t intervene in individual cases but of course you are free to refer the court to what we have written if you think that would help.
Lucy
Very interesting read. I can not fault most of the author’s evaluations. This is why I have left so many groups on FB lately.
The amount of parents and grandparents I encounter who tell me ‘I didn’t understand that’ or ‘No one told me’ is staggering. The most unhelpful response is when someone says ‘Oh I have been there hun (sic) message me.’ My ‘So sit with your solicitor until you understand; don’t walk out until the point that you can repeat the message back to him or her in your own words and they say ‘Yes, now you understand.’ is apparently not appreciated.
I encounter cases daily and when they come ‘unstuck’: they don’t get it. I have left a court room where Grandma has applied for an SGO due to grave concerns about her daughter’s parenting. She was advised by myself and the LA ‘If you want to prove yourself, stop letting her use you as a crutch to explain away her actions and behaviours.’ When challenged in court the answer of ‘Yeah but I only give her lifts to contact and the grocery store now. I only let her use my washing machine twice a week now. I don’t let her borrow money anymore or ring me 4 times a day; see I have distanced myself.’ Sent me into a complete ‘does my client listen to a word I have said’ annoyed mode.
I do believe there are cases which should not be in the court arena and don’t actually require even low level support (such as CIN, CP) But this is maybe about 1 in a 100. (The best was a ‘contact note’ which stated ‘No concerns found but crumbs on the kitchen counter.’)
Since it is part of the article; I personally say this. I have never ever had a problem working with any LA legal team. I have encountered social workers who are not able to communicate their concerns unless it is parrot fashion and when asked ‘Thanks, now can you explain this in words my client understands’ are stumped.
I have in 10 years never ‘sought work’ as a McKenzie Friend/Lay Adviser. Unfortunately it finds me. I am constantly attacked by ‘those who know best’ that I must not be good or know what the hell I am talking about due to my ‘no fee’ policy. I have warned so many (I have lost count) that the ’10 golden rules’ from Monaco are dangerous. I have told people ‘Which part of getting your own act together and keep it stable for at least 2 to 3 years didn’t you understand?’
Regrettably, we do have a societal problem. I have my own theories.
~TC
This is shambolic, not because people have found this outlet as this is all their is, but as l think it is a reflection of parents often upset, confused and many whom have learning needs that impact the understanding of written and verbal information at times of stress being unable to get the time to have support. It would be a good way forward to have clear identified groups for supporting these parents and supporting them via advocacy so that they attend a solicitors appointment and LA meetings and ensure that things are undertaken correctly and no corners cut, some solicitors l am sorry to say do not always go over things as much as they should and some parents are too embarrassed by the whole experience to ask if they don’t understand.
Santa
You are correct on many points. I spend hours sitting with people explaining what the words mean. And trying to explain ‘risk of future emotional harm’, ‘neglect’, ’emotional abuse, ‘insight’, ‘ secure attachment’, ‘attuned parenting’, ’emotional resiliance’ and the rest doesn’t happen in 30-60 minutes. It will not happen.
I would not expect most people outside my main occupation to understand ‘This is your PDP file for your CPD and IDP for your IMechE for your CE for your evidence of PD and CL to fulfill Section Y of your license to practice and for your APA.’ (Anyone need a translation yet?)
I therefore, take people through it at their own rate. I make a point of telling people ‘The only stupid question is the one not asked; so ask me everything; over and over until you get it and can understand what ‘they’ are saying,’
I work with a large cross section of society. Some are high capacity intellectually, some are not. Some have literacy and numeracy issues. Some are highly accomplished in their own specialist fields. All have one thing in common; they are human.
I look forward to the contributions of others to this discussion which appears to be very valuable.
TC
Lucy, as someone who has been helped in this kind of group, as well as someone who has helped out in turn, I completely understand your position.
There is a plethora of ill-informed advice, as well as some truly valuable advice given. For example, after having findings made against me in the Family Court, I turned to one of these groups, desperate for advice on appeal. A lady that had been in the exact same circumstance as myself (allegations of NAI, turned out to be Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) helped me, signposted me to a specialist solicitor, and my legal aid has just gone through to reopen my fact finding as a result of this advice.
Since findings were made against me, I have moderated groups on being falsely accused of non-accidental injury. We knowledge share with medical documents, recommend medical experts, and refer each other to specialist solicitors and private medical doctors that can look into our family medical histories to check for underlying genetic issues that could be mistaken for child abuse. I have made a difference to innocent families’ lives by lived experience, and I will continue to do this by becoming a lawyer one day.
The facebook groups do share a mistrust for social workers. As a parent that posed no safeguarding issues to my child, other than false allegations of non-accidental injury, I can assure you, that my social worker’s conduct was illegal, biased, and wholly untrustworthy. The climate of mistrust is valid from the stories I have heard as well as experiences lived. She is being investigated by the HCPC for her conduct in my case.
I do not tar all social workers with the same brush, nor all local authorities. A month before social services became involved with my life, I had reached the final stage of the Frontline Social Work graduate scheme. I always admired the profession and I went into it with an outlook of helping families.
Maybe the underhanded tactics from social workers that we hear about in these groups are systemic issues of too many caseloads, social workers that have seen too many awful things to keep open minds, risk-aversion, lack of funds to spend enough time with families so fabrications have to take place.
These groups are trying to help people, but the advice given on them is dangerous. I was lucky to have found someone who did help, but I have seen the administrators spout legal jargon that they are not qualified to give. On one Forced Adoption group, advice from an administrator caused an adoption to go ahead due to how ill-conceived it was.
This write up seems to be more in favor of the very system parents are complaining about and it seems to paint the general public as not being able to understand why their families have been dismantled by Social workers seeking Adoption.
i think its disrespectful to say such things about parents fighting to save their children from a highly aggressive adversarial system which has no Moral compass what so ever. We seen this kind of Mindset within the death camps of Nazi Germany during WW2.
“passing on their own misunderstandings, learnt suspicion and anger to a new generation”.
what utter nonsense.these people know what they’ve been through and what kind of Dark forces have worked against them.
have some respect for heavens sake!
This article more or less starts: “Facebook (and no doubt elsewhere) and what it might tell us about why so many parents are unable to make effective use of services intended to divert their family from care.”
That’s the whole point, what services are service users ‘failing’ to use to divert their family from care????
One of the most common scenarios is where a parent/child or both have a disability or health/learning problem; they ask for support and the next thing they know they are being accused of everything under the sun and their children are not only taken into care but Forced Adoption. The majority of cases are ‘future risk’ which is anything the Social Worker wants it to be, changes frequently, extremely dubious and impossible to disprove, NOT ‘actual’ abuse – ‘actual’ abuse along with ‘actual’ neglect largely appears to be ignored, especially when in ‘state’ care. Very few of the cases in one of the larger closed groups you are quoting from are parents who are heroin users as implied in this article.
Also on the subject of closed facebook groups I’ve never been in one because my fear is they can become an echo chamber but I totally understand when they are used well the support they give by forming and controlling entry to a community with similar issues. I know of one Facebook group with over 1000 members, that supports families with children with violent and challenging behaviour as a result of disability/poor mental health so children who cannot express themselves and are feeling sky high levels of anxiety lash out.
These families are by and large on no-one’s radar and there are by and large no services for them. They feel abandoned and many may children may feed into acute services of one kind or another in adolescence.
Policymakers have simply failed to provide for these families and things are getting worse. Something has to change – this wholesale drive to turn us all into buyers of non-existent services in one form or another has wreaked misery on children, families and communities.
The whole rotten pile is collapsing as far as I can see. What will replace it – who knows?
Chief Social Worker for Children and Families, Isabelle Trowler
“Our focus should be to continue building public confidence in our first-class child protection system which holds a door wide open for vulnerable children and also provides support for families.”
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/government-outlines-strengthened-plans-to-tackle-child-abuse#2018-03-05T16:37:03+00:00
Right..that’s is one view I suppose and she is paid to express it.
This is my view for what it is worth on the subject of trust
https://childprotectionautisticchild.weebly.com/trust.html
Yaaaaayyyy >>>> thanks to Louise Tickle, Lucy Reed, ZOe Dronfield and ALL THE PARENTS fighting for change! <3 https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/03/14/family-court-secrecy-judges-get-away-mistakes-senior-judge-says/